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I've wanted to become "normier."

I actually... like being a normie, a regular ass person with regular things to say with regular ways of expressing myself, with regular dreams and a regular lifestyle

That's... really what I am, I am not... a 3pp it/its trans plural robot doll, I am just a normie cis he/him guy who likes doing regular things, and I am content with that, I am happy that I am the way that I am but sometimes I feel... strange

I have BPD, I think you all know that, and... I tend to have these experiences where I feel like I don't fit anywhere I go

I have had some really bad experiences before that have left me feeling like I was a bad person, that I have bad intentions deep down, that I am a fake ally, that I should shut up and stay quiet, that nobody should love me, and that I should just quit the spaces I am on, because I don't deserve the friends I have, and they deserve better.

My mind creates these harmful dichotomies of this state of being that tells me that I'm either like them so that I am accepted, or like the very opposite, which automatically puts me in the same lane as MAGA conservatives, and that somehow... I will never fit anywhere.

That maybe, becoming a First Name Last Name, real face in profile picture, cis he/him type of person will distance me from all of my friends, that I'll become a harmful stereotype, and as my friends come out as queerer every day, becoming things that I still have a hard time grasping on (like 3pp it/its pronouns) I just feel like I'll never connect or fit, that I'm forever unplugged.

I guess that's why I feared being a normie, even though I am.

But I must do what I must do, and I want to embrace myself, but please, all of my friends, I need you to give me the encouragement I need to keep being myself, and to feel like I am doing a good job, to feel like I am not what I fear of becoming, even if it may seem a bit crazy on the outside, I just need this confirmation that I am not a bad person.

Thanks everyone for reading.