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So far ~43 people are on my list. Nice!
I was NOT expecting this big of a turnout, tbh.
Notes for the comp. everyone's pronouns are they/them for the sake of "i am not looking through every contestant's profile"
also I'm adding myself because let me have this

oh yeah, for those people asking "am I iconic enough?" lol yeah i wasnt checking who was actually iconic, anyone can enter lol. i just wanted yall to say cool people like your friends n stuff, and it worked out well!!! keep suggesting, I'm loving it!!!

OH ONE MORE THING
some people said just names instead of their full @, which i mean yeah its fine i can look, i'd rather not do that for everyone! save me some hassle! send me the @!

@timsweeneyepic @schratze @yassie_j @lockheedmartin @ashten @Gargron @ShadowJonathan @julia @puniko @awoo @SleepyCatten @gotrans @kix3n @Bwee @mynameistillian @yearof @yesjohn @boxy @aa @fedora @sneexy @supertux @larsfrommars@toot.garden @stux @beebles @asahi @freeplay @esm @agatha @nano @volpeon @SteamPowered @Brielle@queer.party @theking @mia @disarray @ipg @cyberboy @porcelainkitty @privateger @pharmafemboy@fedi.catboy.agency @luna @matusguy @Amelia@transfem.social @Sharkey @FoxNews @Teh404Gal @riedler@catcatnya.com @Tabby96 @experiencer @ghostlyash @meeowth @kuriko @Miyokaya @garden@woem.men @root @kivikakk @reina

THESE ARE OUR 63 (forgot that several of the contestants dont exist)
I AM NOT ADDING MORE
THIS WILL ALREADY BE PAINFUL

SUBMISSIONS ARE CLOSED

I will start the competition within the next several minutes hours days whenever
see you then!

@timsweeneyepic @schratze @yassie_j @lockheedmartin @ashten @Gargron @ShadowJonathan @julia @puniko @awoo @SleepyCatten @gotrans @kix3n @Bwee @mynameistillian @yearof @yesjohn @boxy @aa @fedora @sneexy @supertux @larsfrommars@toot.garden @stux @beebles @asahi @freeplay @esm @agatha @nano @volpeon @SteamPowered @Brielle@queer.party @theking @mia @disarray @ipg @cyberboy @porcelainkitty @privateger @pharmafemboy@fedi.catboy.agency @luna @matusguy @Amelia@transfem.social @Sharkey @FoxNews @Teh404Gal @riedler@catcatnya.com @Tabby96 @experiencer @ghostlyash @meeowth @kuriko @Miyokaya @garden@woem.men @root @kivikakk @reina

ARE YOU THERE?
ARE WE CONNECTED?
...
EXCELLENT.
TRULY EXCELLENT.

NOW.
WE MAY BEGIN.

(you hear the gates release, and all of you are in a massive hunger games-style arena. Who will make it out alive?)
WELCOME TO THE FEDI GAMES!

I will be only mentioning people when they kill or are killed, so the ping spam won't be as horrible. Still, expect a LOT of notifs. Have fun, and don't die (so soon)!

THE FEDI GAMES BEGIN
THE BLOODBATH BEGINS

The arena is hectic immediately, with immediate CARNAGE from Lord Epic himself, @timsweeneyepic , BRUTALLY hitting an instant 200 on @garden@woem.men (ELIMINATED!!! 63rd)

on other news, yesjohn may go far with the spear he has obtained. we know for certain he is surviving this bloodbath.

(posts will be done per kill so there will be VERY many in this short period)

62 REMAIN

THE BLOODBATH (cont)

While Latte Macciato gets a spear aswell, and a trio of Fedora Linux, Larsfrommars, and Ashten work to support themselves, a grand spectacle unfolds!

@mynameistillian , @lockheedmartin , @yassie_j , and @gotrans have all agreed that DYING would be better off than suffering in this hellhole, and honestly? don't blame em. however this does mean they lose so (ELIMINATED!!! (62nd, 61st, 60th, and 59th respectively))

58 REMAIN.

THE BLOODBATH (cont)

I wish I had good commentary here! I don't know either of these people! I don't have a reference point to make funny!

@ShadowJonathan and @sneexy both thought they could game the system! They didn't! These two are both (ELIMINATED!!! (58th and 57th respectively))

56 REMAIN.

THE BLOODBATH (cont)

is it an act of barbarism, or is it an act of kindness? @luna is the one to comtemplate this question, after besting @kix3n in this battle of strength.
(ELIMINATED!!! (56th))

55 REMAIN.

(also, silly note. i may have accidentally forgot to change the pronouns so everyone is male for the sakes of the bit. i am not redoing this so please just overlook that, thx)

THE BLOODBATH (there is yet many more a cont)

Whilst schraze and agatha fight over bread, schraze breaks agatha's nose (non-lethal!)

Aswell, @Miyokaya DROWNS in a LAKE (first non-player elim!)
(ELIMINATED!!! 55th)

54 REMAIN

THE BLOODBATH

Have you ever been told you're toxic?
Have they ever been right?
well if you're @mia , then I have NEWS for YOU!
You are SO TOXIC you POISONED @pharmafemboy@fedi.catboy.agency to DEATH (ELIMINATED!!! 54th)

also Nano and Beebles are working together how nice :3

53 REMAIN

THE BLOODBATH

Emmi works on protecting herself with some sais. I wonder if it's because @root bashed @julia 's head in with a mace (ELIMINATED!!! 53rd)
who knows? I don't :3

52 REMAIN

THE BLOODBATH

aah. what a wonderful sight as behold. not often do you see a penguin burning a catgirl alive.
Whatever Marty put in @supertux , it's WORKING! @puniko didn't stand a CHANCE! (ELIMINATED! 52nd)

51 REMAIN

THE BLOODBATH

While White Yaseen retreats from the carnage of the battlefield, @experiencer stabs @Gargron in the back with a TRIDENT! (ELIMINATED! 51st)

I do wonder though, is this his first time being stabbed in the back? Business is cutthroat, after all.

50 REMAIN

(if you haven't been killed yet, congrats on being in the top 50!)

THE BLOODBATH

It seems @riedler@catcatnya.com has been practicing ever since they won the last competition, in true champion style.
Not letting the opportunity go to waste, a tactically placed explosive blew @theking into smithereens! (ELIMINATED! 50th)
Why a king when you can have a QUEEN?

49 REMAIN

THE BLOODBATH

"2024 will be the year Technology Predictions gets this bag!" Technology Predictions threatens Steam. Steam sheepishly retreats from T.P.'s sheer confidence.

also, hey uh @meeowth ? killing people is a palworld thing. what? what's killing? oh. he doesn't know.
uh... @boxy fainted. (ELIMINATED!!! 49th)

48 REMAIN

THE BLOODBATH

I would have written some dialogue between the two, but unfortunately I know neither Stux nor Sharkey, and while I do believe there is some hidden metacommentary in the action of @stux betraying @Sharkey 's trust (ELIMINATED! 48th), I just don't quite know. Hmm...

47 REMAIN

THE BLOODBATH

Remember when I asked @matusguy what he did to SuperTux to make him fight so well? well i know now where Tux got their skills from

In a 3 way battle between the mythical John Mastodon, the berserker developer Marty, and the enigmatic foxxo @freeplay , MARTY SINGLEHANDEDLY KILLS THEM BOTH (ELIMINATED!!! 47th and 46th respectively)

45 REMAIN

THE BLOODBATH

as the seconds pass, players cross, and with it, they bring death and destruction. No living creature, no matter the innocence nor nature, is spared from the voidic gaze of Death.
As @volpeon falls to @Teh404Gal 's blades, this fact remains ever evident.
(ELIMINATED!!! 41st)

40 REMAIN

THE BLOODBATH

another minute flies by on the Fedi Arena, as we pan over to @disarray showing off their excellent throwing form on @Bwee ! Let's say, they're not waking up from that one!
(ELIMINATED!!! 40th)

39 REMAIN

THE BLOODBATH

Another fight over resources once again in this bloodbath! It seems like an even match, these two struggling over this bag...
oh, what's this? @ipg has remembered that @kaiiak made V and wasted so much of their time! This gave them the STRENGTH to strangle me him with the ropes of the bag. (lethal!)
(ELIMINATED!! 39th)

now that being said, i lost so i dun wanna pway anymowe ​ games owver
/j

38 REMAIN

THE BLOODBATH

@Tabby96 wakes up... that's strange, i thought they were dead??? they died in the previous tournament, they placed second after getting the most kills by far!
This wasn't meant to happen. This wasn't meant to be possible. Death knows this too.

No matter your strength, or your brutality, Death creeps all the same, and Death never makes mistakes.
(ELIMINATED!!! 38th)

(congrats on the kill, @kuriko !)
(sorry i didn't write about ya, i just wanted to really dig into that lil bit of storytelling, and your namedrop didn't seem to fit.)

37 REMAIN

THE BLOODBATH

@awoo , I am WARNING you. You have just killed the most precious player in the ENTIRE GAME.
he tried to run! he didn't even fight back!
You have the BIGGEST TARGET out of ANYONE HERE.
...but it was bound to happen. thus is the nature of the game.

Rest In Peace, bird schratze.

(ELIMINATED!!! 37th)

36 REMAIN

THE BLOODBATH (final cont)

As this bloodbath comes to a close, I'd like to bring on a special guest to commentate on here.

various fox yips and other misc. noises
Translated: (Now normally I would be supporting my fellow furry friend, and I would be rooting for @cyberboy , @Brielle@queer.party really executed them with some of the best form I have seen! I know I don't usually report on non-fox news, but i'm trying ​)

(ELIMINATED!!! 36th)

35 REMAIN
THE BLOODBATH IS OVER

(meta note: i will now take a lil bit to do other things. i will update all of you with Day 1 soon enough!)

DAY 1 OF THE FEDI GAMES (1/3)

Now that the bloodbath is over, things have calmed down significantly. Contestants are settling into their camps, gathering resources, and surviving. although there is some action such as Lunya suffering a minor injury whilst running away from Steam, and the Fedora Project recieving an explosive, nothing of note.

(gets whispered something)
wait what
what do you mean they set off a bomb and killed 4 people
how does that even happen

uh. well
turns out @Emmi , through the use of a strategically placed bomb, has ended the lives of @reina , @privateger , @root , and @experiencer !
Now that's what I call (ELIMINATED!!! (35th, 34th, 33rd, and 32nd respectively!))

31 REMAIN
(if you're still alive past this point, congratulations! This is the halfway mark!)

DAY 1 OF THE FEDI GAMES (2/3)

@yearof triumphantly states "2024 will be the year that @larsfrommars@toot.garden gets poisoned!" in direct earshot of them. lars drinks it anyways because their mind is an absolute enigma (ELIMINATED!!! 31st)

On other news, aa must've left their camp really out in the open, because when they came back after their hunting, there was nothing there. it was RANSACKED.

30 REMAIN

DAY 1 OF THE FEDI GAMES (3/3)

Starting off with the kill news:
It seems @stux has finally been served! after a deadly encounter with @agatha , the backstabber has been stabbed themself! (ELIMINATED!!! 30th)
how the turntables...

On other news, jade has had their first experience of bad luck after their kill of schratzebird, when disarray stole some of their goodies!

aswell, Tim Sweeney is currently running for his life away from White Yaseen! I really hope Mister Firt survives!

29 REMAIN
NIGHT FALLS

NIGHT 1 OF THE FEDI GAMES (1/4)

White Yaseen, after her failed pursuit of Tim Sweeney, goes on the hunt on another fateful contestant, @mia , and succeeds.
(ELIMINATED!!! 29th)

28 REMAIN

NIGHT 1 OF THE FEDI GAMES (2/4)

A dramatic duel occurs in the black of knight. An uninvited visitor walks up to @disarray 's camp. They know they're not welcome, yet they step forward.
Knives hurl towards them, but all of them are dodged skillfully and with dexterity.
slowly, @ashten closes the distance between them and their adversary.
Knife after knife thrown, eventually disarray realizes, they've run out.
Their eyes meet, Ashten holding a sword in hand, and the deed is done.
(ELIMINATED!!! 28th)

27 REMAIN

NIGHT 1 OF THE FEDI GAMES (3/4)

Many players are simply vibing and passing the night. They know well not to risk losing a night's sleep.
Some contestants discuss the future, some team up to tackle the night together (such as both tuxes, which I find VERY cool), and @yesjohn falls into a frozen lake and fucking drowns (HUMILIATED!!! 27th)

26 REMAIN

NIGHT 1 OF THE FEDI GAMES (4/4)

Whilst many a player rest, and some complemplate, @matusguy decides NOW is the best time for action. After all, sleep is for the weak.
In no time at all, Marty rigs up a contraption that set @beebles ' camp ablaze, cooking them along with it. (ELIMINATED!!! 26th)

to finally round off the night, Brielle destroys T4G's supplies! what an underhanded move. didnt kill em tho so NO PING

25 REMAIN (ooh round number)

REST IN PIECE TO ALL THOSE WHO FELL IN THE FIRST DAY

(cont)

jesus CRUST so many died in the first day (cont)

it took 4 POSTS of just MEMORIAMS

38 less.

DAY 2 OF THE FEDI GAMES (1/6)

Welcome back everyone, to the Fedi Games! Man that was a cold night back there, surely everyone kept warm!
huh?
@kuriko died of hypothermia?
(ELIMINATED!!! 25th)
Jesus Crust, how cold is it? 2 people die by falling in a frozen lake, and now someone else freezes to death??? We should have done this in the summer!

24 REMAIN

DAY 2 OF THE FEDI GAMES (2/6)

We have a sad announcement to make.
I really shouldn't have hinted to @meeowth what he did yesterday, because the realization that ensued...

it didn't end well.
(ELIMINATED!!! 24th)

Gamemasters are still ruling on whether this constituted game tampering, and whether I still will have a job here narrating these games. Hopefully they realize it was entirely accidental and I get off scot-free.

23 REMAIN

DAY 2 OF THE FEDI GAMES (3/6)

Steam's pursuit is unending. All players must play. Half life 2

Also, @asahi , unfortunately has starved to death. bet they forgot their lunchbox when they got shipped to the competition. rookie mistake.
(ELIMINATED!!! 23rd)

22 REMAIN

@beebles @matusguy

rip indeed, gg tho (you placed top half)