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We need more people with bad internet. Im talking bird shit on the satellite dish type networking. We dialing in on a chewed up phone line. Call it espionage the way im dropping these packets. Baud rate tied to my hearts BPM. Im starting a small business on McDonalds Free Wi-Fi. I dont send JSON, I give my buddy Jason a call and he gets it where its going. Im moving different. Lag so bad the opps think Im teleporting. My downloads arrive on a UPS delivery schedule. Got a router running off three triple-A batteries. We rigged up wifi with walkie talkies.
Opps tried sending me a DDoS. Jokes on them, I never had service to begin with. I blink packets into the heavens like sending SOS morse codes. My computers plugged into the dirt below me. We transmit packets over tin can and string. Tried dialling into the ISP they put me on hold
Im holdin out on 1G. Im reaching my phone out the window to catch a gust of signal. Internet so slow all my pictures look like the Super Nintendo. All my packets got no time to live. Games give me wins for disconnecting out of pity. Ping times in the hours and I still got no pong
Cooked up a full three-course meal while waitin on a Wikipedia page. We dialed in for 56k of jack shit. My modem lights blink an S.O.S. signal. My cable box acting like its got no cable. You want the wifi password? Its "Slow as shit". Im the world record holder for the Chrome dinosaur game. Hes like a brother to me. This shit aint loadin for me LAN.
( Yes iam a real person ) @boxy@ipg this toot is fire em,
@boxy my internets bein shitty. im dracula slow
( Yes iam a real person ) @boxy@ipg "ALL MY PACKETS GOT NO TIME TO LIVE" IS SO FI,RE"GAMES GIVE ME W
@ipg "ping times in the hours and I still got no pong" killed me.
@brokenscholar @ipg This has poisoned my brain. I now have a 2 axis model to succinctly describe individual sysadmins.
@ipg fr fr no WAN
@ipg Thanks for a great prose poem. I read it through a circumglobal line of wifi repeaters.
( Yes iam a real person ) @boxy@ipg we dialed in for 56k of jack shit. this shit aint loadin for me lan
@ipg
1/8th duplex, my packets route in imperial and my cables need passing places, don't need QoS when each frame is taught to be polite and stand aside to let the other pass, they sign the guestbook before crossing layers
@ipg goes hard.
netbat 🮲🮳 
Midnight @gjersey999@talk.marq42.xyz@ipg@wetdry.world
the three letter agents tried tracing the IP, now they gotta follow a map drawn on a napkin from the ISP i patched into. I got CAT3 illegaly spliced between every highway marker to a rusted switch a meter in the ground. call that an in-line network. I'm on Quake 2 public lobbies downloading epubs from the AWS. Shit ain't nothing to me, man.
my parents know fuck all about technology and Internet stuff, but they somehow got a DSL at&t modem installed sometime in the early 2000's... and stuck with it until fucking 2020 when it finally broke.
my Internet was the absolute worst ever. average download speeds were around 70 kilobytes per second. i basically couldn't do anything. imagine basically anything you do online, it usually just didn't work. stuff as simple as loading images usually took several minutes. i could watch youtube, but only at 144p. i tried to play games online, but i'd always get disconnected very quickly. not only that, but every few minutes it would completely crap out and i'd need to unplug it, plug it back in, and wait around two minutes for it to be back up and working. every. few. minutes. this would interrupt all my active downloads, so even downloading a file that was a few megabytes would usually require several tries.
in 2020 the modem finally died and my parents got a new DSL router/modem with a speed of around 10 megabytes/second. after over ten years of having to deal with internet that was comparable to 90's dial up, it was absolutely incredible. i could finally do things like watch youtube at an actual resolution, browse the internet, play games online, etc. 10 megabytes per second isn't the best, but it was just incredible to me.
a year or two ago we switched again to 5G which has been pretty good, i think speeds are around 30 megabytes per second so fairly fast. i would *never* want to go back to what i had to deal with back then.
@enigmatico@mk.absturztau.be@ipg@wetdry.world I dont know why but I can hear Eminem rapping this
@ipg @loriemerson My crappy DSL line has super unpredictable latency, often measurable in seconds. The crappyness of it got me to calculate the bandwidth of Netflix’s old DVD or BluRay programs, in the spirit of the proverbial station wagon filled with mag tapes.
@ipg Jason is a real one, he said "You need name value pairs you come to me, Don't call Exemel he doesn't know jack shit"
In reality he and Exemel are long time friends, their rivalry is all in good jest
@ipg literally, it's so satisfying when your internet is slow and you slowly watch the download complete
@loriemerson Some poetic, subversive othernets vibes here. I love it.
@ipg Add to that. Encryption's broken. Gotta send everything over ham radio but oops the sun decided to puke and send a solar flare.
@ipg ie, the kind of internet that 98% of America has by area, when internet is available at all.
@ipg
you're a modern day poet
@ipg@wetdry.world you think UPS is bad? I'm running my family's router on bloody Royal Mail
@ipg my instance's networking would drop to 0.5K/s sometimes is that good
(i had to configure & compile the kernel and write a patch for & compile iwd to get it to only do that sometimes)
@ipg Not sure if it's bad enough, but a school I went to borrowed Wi-MAX (most likely, since the ISP is mainly a WISP; could've been cable, too) Internet from the neighbors by making a small dish out of tin foil and putting it behind the Wi-Fi antenna on a router in the upstairs window nearest to their house and had it acting as (I assume) a bridge. At least one of the neighbors in the house they borrowed from was a former student. Didn't know it was that jank until I saw it one day.
@ipg@wetdry.world Using TCP (tin can protocol)
@halotroop2288@meow.social@ipg
Tag yourself. I'm "bird shit on the satellite dish"
@ipg this shit aint nothing to me man
@ipg we're sending tor packets through the mail you stupid piece of shit. ill fuckin kill you
@marsh@fedi.on-a-ps4.lol@ipg my instance runs on a playstation does that count
@marsh THAT'S FUCKING SICK
@ipg this is still a reality in much of the world outside of the west
we rigged up the wifi with walkie talkies...thats one way to not get tagged
@ipg 10gbit uplink with qc rule to drop 99.9% of packets gang
@ipg @darkphoenix wasp fade for everyone!
@natalie_romana@mastodon.nz@ipg You of course know the bragging rights you have with the bandwidth of your Jason transport protocol?
Never underestimate the bandwidth of a truckload of SD cards. 
@ipg ADSL over Wet String