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how to get a passport as an american citizen (for no reason in particular, but boosts cool and good)
travel.state.gov/content/trave
fill out the DS11 with the online tools here. save and print out the pdf, not double sided.
tools.usps.com/rcas.htm
set up an appointment at whatever usps is most convenient to you. earlier rather than later if you need your passport more quickly.

it will cost you $130 for the passport book, $35 for the appointment, $15 for photo services if you can't do your own.

travel.state.govPassport FormsDownload your U.S. passport form on this page.
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@ezra Instead of fleeing maybe start setting up a viable alternative to a Democratic party.

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@ezra FYI - the USPS appointment scheduler is basically nonfunctional for me on Firefox (rarely makes it past the first loading screen, and when it does usually gets stuck on a later one) but works fine in Edge, so if you have issues with it try switching browsers

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@filifa yeah i was having the same issue. chromium worked for me

Quiet public

@ezra

The drugstore chains can also do the photos and it's like half that, or less.
If you have a phone, take a photo yourself against a white wall. Don't smile or wear anything that hides your face/head shape. Getting a photo printed at a drugstore is like $2.

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@ezra Probably a good idea to pay the extra $30 to get the passport card as well - particularly for anyone who might find it useful to have proof of citizenship on them at all times.