there's a lot of thoughts that i want to get out but it makes me uncomfortable to do so, even stuff like this where it's much more private and I can post without someone discovering the existence of some posts can worry me since there's still a chance that... some people could still see them

because of this i feel that i can't really appreciate or share some of my more niche interests that well, and i don't want to fill my more public feeds with them either which makes it even more difficult

i guess in a way i have a constant feeling of someone looking over my shoulder, even when there's nobody around me whatsoever? i'm still very much questioning a lot of things about myself, but i feel like i can't and don't want to get it out in a way because of the thought that it could ruin everything

i really don't know what to do about this, even with a more private space, and the fear about it just does not stop. i don't want to just completely lock everything to myself either, which is the hard part

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