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@ari I’m afraid AWS beat you to that particular market.
@ari@joshua damn it, bezos.
@ari It's Web 3.0 ready!
@ari my only note: shitassfuckballsly
@ari@crowbriarhexe shtasfkblsly
it's not a real startup until you decimate half the letters to make it quirky
@ari and only adjectives are quirky, of course.
@ari@DavidDarnes @jalcine oh, it's blazingly fast. as you can see by this graph (no we won't share how we got this data, or what the numbers mean)
@ari this is soo last week. The new trend is AI, didn't you hear? It should say AI somewhere in Big Letters.
@ari@oreolek you're so right 
V2 will definitely be 110% more AI-driven and synergised, and a million times more obnoxiously in your face
@ari absolutely beautiful. No notes. 10/10
Ⓥ
@Blort@social.tchncs.de@ari Holy amazeballs! QUICK! Where do I buy the NFT?!?!
@ari@aks there is definitely room for a V2 adopting more web3 trends
@ari for this to be truly accurate below that there needs to be a fake screenshot of a browser window with the macos close icons
@ari@beebles fake screenshot of a browser window with macos close icons and the content is just cat middle finger image
@ari this cat is so serverless and nocode
@ari@beebles the cat is no-code because it is an image, not code.
the cat is serverless because we send a guy to your house to tape the image to your screen on page load
@ari cats taped to screen as a service
CTTSAAS
@ari@beebles this is what our taxpayer dollars should be funding
@ari it can what?
@ari@beebles the new, innovative technology that sleeps with your mother
I like how the conical gradient just fits right in there like it belongs there.
@ari@benx it's so simple and silly, but i was amazed at the results
really speaks volumes to how other techbro sites do web designs
, Dream Witch 
@matoakit@beach.city@ari Is it AI powered too? I need it to be AI powered.
@ari@matoakit <chatgpt>
Hi there,
While "shitassfuckballs" isn't currently AI-powered, we're definitely considering AI integration for future upgrades. We appreciate your interest in advanced tech! 
Best,
[Your Name]
Syndr Innovations Team
</chatgpt>
@kkarhan@mstdn.social@ari Good #sarcasm of the #enshittification of the #Web...
@mai_lapyst@soc.saiyajin.space@ari You forgot the 5+ unskippable auto-playing trailers that only stop if you forcefully close your browser.
And crypto. ALOT OF CRYPTO. Atleast a little miner. :D xDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
@ari@mai_lapyst @ari just a widdle crypto mining...pwease?? the energy we waste hosting this site and its 238 microservices isn't doing nearly enough damage to the planet 
@mai_lapyst@soc.saiyajin.space@ari "Every minute a new little Microservice is born. Help now by invest in Crypto or install our little itty miner now to support little microservices in your area! Start today!"
@ari@mai_lapyst at this point we just make more microservices because we don't know what else to do. we don't even know what the microservices do! all we know that if we stop making new garbage, the vulture capital will stop rolling in, and we'll all lose our penthouses.
@mai_lapyst@soc.saiyajin.space@ari Nuuuuuuu not the penthouses!!!!! Who would live in them then??? Quick, throw in some new announcement trailer that akwardly tries to be edgy and references meme-culture from like 10 years ago like its the most recent shit!!11!!
@ari@mai_lapyst it just needs AI... then they'll respect us. they'll all respect us...
@mai_lapyst@soc.saiyajin.space@ari Let the AI-games begin!!!!!!!!
"To spam AI or to not spam AI, thats the question".
@CrebboElodie@transfem.social@ari@wetdry.world the cookies popup is too small, it needs to be a big box in the centre that covers the entire page, so nobody can interact with the page until they close the popup 
@ari@CrebboElodie @ari ah yes, a full-cover modal!! clearly i have much to learn
@ari@ari @CrebboElodie @ari also if you try to pick it out with an adblocker, the page will cease to fully load the second an adblocker is detected. we won't even tell you why! you should know better.
@CrebboElodie@transfem.social@ari@wetdry.world also, there's too much colour, it shows off too much creativity and personality;
you should use generic Arial font in default black on a white background, with basic corporate-blue being the only colour on the page, other than black, white or grey
@ari@CrebboElodie @ari honestly i think it needs more colours
i have an alternate version of this with an eye-searing yellow background- could probably populate this with random abstract shapes that mean absolutely nothing but to add more visual clutter!
@anotherconfused@toot.lgbt@CrebboElodie @ari Add a million blurry shapes and the font that all companies use - and don't forget to forget about the dark mode.
By the way, I don’t see something on the basis of ChatGPT functions - this must be urgently corrected.
And in the end, be sure to add something like "Register in the list of waiting invitations for beta testing (only iOS)".
@ari@anotherconfused @CrebboElodie "our commitment to making AI even shittier and more in your face, an open letter"
@ari@anotherconfused @CrebboElodie these are all actually incredible additions- especially love the iOS-only beta, diabolical.
@ari very accurate for a nocode serverless solution 
-> yassie_j@labyrinth.zone @yassie_j@0w0.is@ari now it needs to hijack my house
-> yassie_j@labyrinth.zone @yassie_j@0w0.is@ari OMG Ari I meant mouse loooool
-> yassie_j@labyrinth.zone @yassie_j@0w0.is@ari that’s even better tho
@ari@yassie_j it's in the terms of service- we actually take one mouse for every install of our runtime 
arc) 
@getimiskon@fedi.getimiskon.xyz
ΘΔ @SharpLimefox@eldritch.cafe@ari absolutely horrid 